Let'er Rippppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!

I got hit with the flu BIG TIME last Friday. Although I have some residual coughing and runny nose, I've regained my appetite and energy. And thank goodness too because I was scheduled for a brazilian wax today. I would've hated to miss out on that fun! :P

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of experiencing a brazilian wax, let me share with you the joy of getting hot wax spread on your privates before a cloth strip is applied over the wax and hair on your body is RIPPED from your body.

First, you're escorted to the torture room, I mean, treatment room, by the beautician. She hands you a robe and instructs you to disrobe from the waist down. Once you've removed whatever lower extremity garments you had on, you lie down on a table where the beautician evaluates your, mmmmm, privates, and asks you how much you want taken off. Once you've agreed on the amount of hair removal, she proceeds to apply talcum powder over the area to be waxed (this prevents the hot wax from sticking to the skin).

After application of the talcum powder, liberal amounts of wax are applied to individual segments of your privates. Hopefully, the beautician will have the wax temperature just right. If not, you'll be dealing with the pain of scalding hot wax on your privates before any hair is even ripped from your body.

Assuming the wax temperature is just right, you take a moment to take a DEEP BREATH, close your eyes, and hear the sound of the strip cloth go RIPPPPPPPP, which is then followed by an audible puppy-like cry from you (although, it's not uncommon to unleash a thread of expletives instead of an audible outcry.) This process continues in painfuly small segments. Ohhh, and to add some variety to your salon experience, the beautician will take a tweezer and pluck individual stray hairs from your privates no matter how deep she has to go in to pluck them out.

If you thought this salon experience was like a massage in that you just lay there while getting serviced, au contraire mon ami! You will be asked to lift your legs this way and that way while the beautician rips away.

Don't be fooled when she starts to apply soothing lotion on your front privates. The experience is not quite complete. She'll then have you turn onto your stomach and ask you to spread your cheeks while she goes to work on your posterior. (However, my experience has been that the posterior hurts much less so it turns out not to be a big deal.) Once she's done with your posterior, the beautician applies lotion back there and congratulates you for getting through the experience without tears (assuming there weren't any tears).

Some of you may ask, why, oh why, subject yourself to such torture. Different reasons for different people. However, it may interest you to know that having a brazilian wax may enhance your sex life due to the increased blood flow and sensitivity to that area (or so I've read!)

So, if you decide to indulge in this joyful experience for yourself, don't forget to take two advils an hour before your appointment. It should minimize the pain during your session. Unless, you're into pain. Then you'll just want to skip the advils.